Anyone reading must still have me in their feed and it’s either because they never took the time to delete this very quiet blog or because they never gave up on me, and if that’s the case, thank you!
I owe you an update, although not much has changed since I left off other than our ages (38, 11 and 7) and I’m no longer single. But sharing details of my kids’ personal lives here feels like an invasion of their privacy and sharing details of mine, well, ditto.
In general I have tried to avoid writing/talking publicly about my marriage and post-marriage love life. My ex and I have had an amicable separation and divorce and I didn’t want to spoil that. Also, the immediate aftermath was complicated and I was sad and confused for a year, or three. It was generous of me to spare you the tedium of so much navel gazing and gloom.
Through it all the boys and I were carrying on with school and work and the lifelong project of trying our best to be good people and to live a good life well.
And the years rolled by… it’s been 16 of them since I came to Northern Italy to live. Never have I been in one country so long, and when people here ask me where I’m from I say the name of our town and they laugh. It’s a joke. Ha ha! How can I explain that right now no other place feels like home?
All things considered, we like our life here. Sometimes a familiar restlessness creeps up inside me and that is when I fantasize about a new adventure somewhere else. I entertain the idea of moving to Spain or South America. More realistically, a couple of years ago, I was toying with the idea of spending a year with the boys in the States, but my ex said no. I tried some gentle persuasion, but he would not relent and as positive as I think that experience would have been for us (or would be if he ever changes his mind), I understand his view that it would be unfair. He has made huge sacrifices to remain a crucial part of our children’s lives and to help me raise them. Taking them away would be cruel. So I have decided to stick around a little longer.
My choice became less difficult last year when I fell in love with a wonderful man. What an exhilarating rush that was! A big surprise and so much fun! The first year it was all fireworks and endorphins and crazy lust, and now we are happily discovering that we actually genuinely like each other (and he my children) even without the onslaught of new love hormones.
Things are good. They are so good, in fact, that, except for an occasional bout of adventure-lust temporarily curable with a nice little trip someplace new, I wouldn’t want them any other way.