the year of seeing

Last year around this time I appropriated somebody else’s list of resolutions and in the months that followed blogged smugly about how happy and fulfilled I felt. God. What is it they say about ignorance and it being bliss? I’d have to agree.

And while turning a blind eye and embracing that maxim “Everything works out for the best” are both very appealing, there is something to be said for cultivating one’s garden. If the first half of 2011 taught me anything, it was that, after all, not everything necessarily works out for the best (in the best of all possible worlds) and almost nothing goes the way you’d planned or hoped or imagined it would. It might not even be going the way you think it is when you’re thinking it if you’re not paying close attention. I probably sort of knew this before, but if I had any doubts, 2011 really drove the point home.

The second half of 2011, what can I say about that? Most of it is a blur, and September was rough. In April I blindly walked into a pit; in September I started clawing my way out.

Moral of the story: with good people who love you, a clear head, two strong legs to stand on and a lot of deep breathing, you can probably make everything work out.

Is it for the best? My children would tell you no way. Am I better off? Maybe. Maybe not. The important thing is: We are okay. And sometimes we are better than that.

Another thing is that 2011 opened my eyes for me. My goal for 2012 is to keep them open, to look, look carefully, look thoughtfully and really see.

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About Jennifer

I'm a freelance translator and American expat. I live in Northern Italy with my two young sons.
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5 Responses to the year of seeing

  1. rosemarie says:

    It does get easier and things get clearer, you and your boys are doing so well and I wish you a ‘hasslefree’ New Year full of health, merriment and serenity. Un’abbraccio rosemarie

  2. Gil says:

    I wish you the best of luck in 2012!

  3. Melanie says:

    Your goal? a good one. Thanks for the reminder to really look and be open to seeing.

    All the best in 2012!

  4. Suzanne says:

    I am so impressed by you and your honesty. You have lived through an incredibly difficult time and proved what a good heart you have. Be proud.

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